Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But names will never hurt me.
For many, this is a familiar phrase heard on the playground. The thing you say to bullies who are picking on you and calling you derogatory names while you're minding your own business, waiting for your turn on the swing.
Name calling is nothing new. I grew up reading and hearing the word blockhead in my beloved Peanuts cartoons. And I admit I turned to the side and laughed when my friend’s son called him a barnacle head after putting him in time out.
But sometimes names can’t be brushed off. They’re serious and abusive. Adults usually know that. And that’s why I want to write an open letter to some men in a car who drove by my friend’s house on Tuesday, November 5, which was Election Day in the U.S.
She was out in her yard raking leaves.
A car slowed down, and one man yelled out “Hey, spic, workin’ hard?”
When she told me about it, she said, “That’s Trump’s America! Where bigots feel free to say anything they want to people.”
Sadly, I think she’s right. I’ve noticed a lot more name calling and taunting since Trump came on the scene.
So my letter:
Dear man who called my friend a spic:
On Tuesday, my friend was outside doing some yard work on a pleasant day. You didn’t know her. You just saw someone who looked Hispanic. You drove by and slowed down and yelled what you yelled.
Why?
What was the purpose? The payoff? How did you benefit from this exchange?
Did it make you feel superior? Do you really think you’re better than her?
You know nothing about her.
She could be the surgeon who fixes your grandmother’s broken hip and helps her walk again.
She could be the teacher who helps your kids learn how to think for themselves.
She could be the school counselor who helps your kids work through their fear of school shootings. Or the police officer who protects them from dangers like that.
Do you think she should just shrug it off? Pretend it didn’t happen?
I don’t think so.
I think you knew exactly what you were doing. People generally don’t yell racial slurs at others for no reason. (They might if they have a neurological illness, and if that’s the case, I sincerely apologize and suggest you see a neurologist. But I don’t think that’s the case.)
I think you wanted her to feel less-than.
I think you wanted her to feel humiliated.
I think you wanted her to feel threatened.
Why? What was in it for you? Power? Fun? Prestige among your friends?
I imagine you don’t even remember the incident now. I imagine you’d just say she shouldn’t be so sensitive.
The thing is, like sticks and stones, names do hurt. Especially when they come from people who should know better.
Very true